" Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. "


Taken out of the bible. From ' A Walk To Remember '. I never thought anyone or anything could express the way I felt about love and how it should be. I found it.

Did I mention i finally manage to finish the book? Yup, I finally finish it. On a night I never felt lonelier, disappointed, missing. i could not get myself to sleep. I wanted to cry to feel better, so I thought the book would be a great idea. To say the truth, I didn't exactly burst into tears cos the story didn't allow me too. It seems that when its always to the verge that tears roll but they stop the next moment as another paragraph of the story proceed. I like the ending to the story. an ending that isn't exactly an ending cos you don't know what happened. Never ending.

Cut Off...
I realise these days that I'm not someone who can get along with people well. Put it in another way, it you don't know me long enough and you take my words too hard. You are bound to end up hating me. Frankly, I'm not such a friendly person. I hate like to talk to strangers unless more than necessary. But I realise everyone got the idea I love talking to strangers or just anyone. People don't realise that I not comfortable. I do only to make it easier for everyone. Imagine if I refuse to converse. Awkward.
People close to me? Not many. Understands me? It takes you less than 1 hand to count. Friends always say that I can be read like an open book. Everything is written and shown. Apparently not many are illiterate.
I am simple. Too simple for the complex mind of others. I think alot cos I'm insecure with people. I get all rowdy with you, cos I'm already accustom to you. I'm just a kid. Still building my castle in the sky. Still hoping to get off the hook without any cost. Still questioning why.
To be alone might be good. To not have to act with upmost responsibilities to anyone. To not have to implicate myself in others affairs of the heart. Being a loner is better when no one understands you.
Shut myself in my little world. Cut off...

To lose a friend...
First time I'm giving up on 2 friendships at a time. I never realise by being a friend to both, I'm causing alot of pain to 1. I cause the person to feel lonely and left out. I cause the person to feel I jepordise the friendship between them. I never tot this can happen to friends. Jealousy.
So I decided to give up on both. To give back the friendship I stolen. To no longer make the person feel left out. To no longer make the person feel that I'm the princess and everyone shall do my bidding.
For all the misery I cause, I apologise. I'm giving back everything.

Importance...
' You are not that important. ' Said that to anyone before? Is it true? If you ask me, I would say no. My Sun is important and so are all the stars that surround me. I used to say that to the stars sometimes, just out of a joking manner. But I came to realise that those simple words hurt alot. I should learn to not say them.

Rewind...
I'm catching up with my clique more often. Thou its getting difficult to get them. I realise I feel comforted with them around. I get to be the kid I want to be and the adult when needed. I get to choose the role I want to be in. Even without much talks or meetings, I could still feel the support given. No questions asked. No requests made.

Fish n Jess...
I'm starting to really miss these 2 person in my life. They seem out of my life now and yet I can feel the importance they form as part of it. I'm missing pieces to a jig saw.

I'm missing alot of the sun nowadays. I'm starting to feel the sun isn't there anymore. I need the sun. I'm frailing...

" In time the glowing, cratered moon began its seeming rise from the sea, casting a prism of light across the slowly darkening water, splitting itself into a thousand different parts, each more beautiful than the last. At exactly the same moment, the sun was meeting the horizon in the opposite direction, turning the sky red and orange and yellow, as if heaven above had suddenly opened its gates and let all its beauty escape its holy confines. The ocean turned golden silver as the shifting colours reflected off it, water rippling and sparkling with the changing light, the vision glorious, almost like the beginning of time. The sun continued to lower itself, casting its glow as far as the eye could see, before finally, slowly, vanishing beneath the waves. The moon continued its slow drift upwards, shimming as it turned a thousand different shades of yellow, each paler than the last, before finally becoming the colour of the stars.
I gently kissed both her cheeks and then, finally, her lips. ' That,' I said, ' is exactly how I feel about you.' "


A little part from ' A Walk To Remember '
I want to go to Bogue Banks... I want to see that spectacular scene.

I'm about to finish reading this book and yet, I can't bear to finish it. Reading this book makes me want to smile and yet keep wanting to cry. I can't read it outside or anywhere except the privates of my room. As I can never hold back the tears that just wells up from reading it.

" ' How did you know it was love? ' she asked me. I watched the breeze gently moving her hair, and I knew that it was no time to pretend I was something that I actually wasn't.
' Well,' I said seriously, ' you know it's love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person, and you sort of know that the other person feels the same way.' "


A little part taken out of ' A Walk To Remember ' .
I just took it as it is true. At least to me, that is how I feel. Enough said.


The office todae is wat I would call ' unoffcial off-day' cos everyone is physically in the office but there's nothing to be done so everyone's mind is mentally shut off.
Everyone been asking me what to do? Erm... Like I got any idea? I like slacking. Thou its kinda bored and its really getting on my nerves to be in the office with nothing to do. If only I can transfigure into Xiao Qiang and get out of office and make a double to take my place. * Hee! Too much Harry Potter*
Spoke to my boss todae on my leaving. apparantly she wants to extend me to end of Dec only. I rejected.
Explanation: I hate the fone
I dun wana be screamed at
I dun wan to get upset b'cos of the customers
I dun want to be in the helpless situation
I DO NOT want to be called Irritating
I DO NOT want to be called STUPID
I do not want to help irritating rich Jerks and Bitches
I do not want to cheat the poor
I hate sitting in a chair all dae
I hate being stuck in a small cold room with noise pollution
I do not want to fake a smile
I refuse to be misunderstood as 'Cheongster'
I refuse to take the freezing air-con
I refuse to be stabbed in the back repeatedly

I just really dun like this job and the pple here. I haven got another job but I dun want to stay either. Even for money, its not worth. I do not fit in.
Something my boss told me. I take pple's comment very personally. Even when the customers are angry with the bank and say things horrible, I tend to take it as a personal attack. Hmm... I dun really notice that... maybe when I get really irritated by the customer?
Well, its just not my cup of tea.

It seems I'll be real broke as Beviamo apparantly do not need part timers now! Like duh... so I'm kinda jobless and candy stall schedule is so pack. I can't even get to work on a sundae evening. Ironic that just a month ago, no one is there to help out. And now both places seem to be so flooded with staffs, there isn't even any itsy-bitsy place left for me.

So i shall have to be jobless, money-less, busy-less and brainless. Haa!
Think I'll go on a exercise routine then. At least be fat-less.

I watched Harry Potter already! After watching, I conclude that Harry Potter is the Swayest Kid ever. He is so sway! He always gets in trouble when its not his fault, he keeps meeting with death, he keeps choosing the wrong things. Duh... So sway....

Hee! Well, but its still not too bad a movie. Go catch it!

I love my Sun...

" There's still a little bit of ur taste in my mouth. There's still a little bit of ur face I haven't kissed. There's still a little bit of ur song in my ear. There's still a little bit of ur words I long to hear. U step a little closer to me... so close that I can't see what's going on... Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to cry. So come on courage, teach me to be shy. Cause it's not hard to fall. And I don't wanna scare U... It's not hard to fall. And I don't wanna lose... It's not hard to grow... When I know that I just don't know. "


Damien Rice - Cannonball (some words have been changed)
I have been listening to this song for the longest time and only today, I found out the title of the song. Interesting isn't it. I like the soft easy tune its on. The tune runs in the head after just listening to it once. Like his other song ' The Blower's Daughter ', which is one of my favorite, are both songs from the movie ' Closer '. The movie like its songs, reruns through my mind over and over. I'll never forget Naterlie Portman in that movie. Simply Fabulously Sad.


Love Hate Relationship with the TV Set...
Since young, I always tot the best invention of all lifetimes would definately have to be the TV. The TV was like my life. My eyes were constantly glued to the screen. I can just watch TV the whole day with no food. Amazing? I tot TV was GOD for your info. Hahaa!
As I grow older I start to dislike the TV. Y? It seems I'm not the only want that tinks TV is GOD. My dad does, my frens does... I often quarrel with my father over the TV. My frens rather stay home to watch TV then meet me. Pple rather watch TV then even speak to me. I feel like I'm not even worth a TV program. Pathetic!
This feelings I'm getting from the TV is madness. It makes me feel like I'm not all that important. Makes me disappointed. Yet when I'm lonely and no one is there, its the only thing that accompanys me. Weird isn't it.

Planning for a Getaway...
I wana go away. I want to get away from here. Get away from pple, get away from situations, get away from the reality of my life.
Will anyone be nice enough to accompany me on this journey? Cos it seems no one is willing to. Guess its money, isn't it.
After all the trouble that I went thru to check, to plan, to calculate. It seem I'm alone again. Well, maybe its me. Maybe the tinkin of simple trips isn't too possible. Trips have to be big, with lots of money. Then guess I will never get to travel. I knoe... Money is important.

Upset with Work...
The stupid bank is doing an increase again. The increase is going to kill so many consumers out there. I hope they don't hang themselves just b'cos they can't pay for their houses. I'm suppose to extend my stay with the bank with the increase. But I don't think I would. I'm upset whenever unreasonable customers who threatens to go to the papers, gets good rates. I'm upset whenever screaming customers who haul verbal abuse at me, get good rates. I'm upset whenever customers who are filty rich get whatever them demand. I'm terribly upset whenever customers who are real nice, polite, beg for help, have very tight income and real old with no choice to be getting rates that is of no help.
All these unfairness is making me very upset. I do not want to not be able to eat, scream at my frens, go into depression b'cos of all these unfairness. I don't want to see all these happening. I don't want to be part of it.

Face the REALITY of this World? I'm childish? Stop being naive? Why not just take a knife and stab everyone around you. Its exactly the thing everyone is doing to each other now anywae. Maybe just killing each other in a more refine way with words, small actions and making use of others.

I don't know if the Sun will still shine on me but I love the Sun. I don't know if the Stars will be there to accompany me thru the night but I still think they are the most beautiful things.

" If all you think about is how much she love the other person and forgot how much she actually love U. Then U do not love her. U just want to posses her. Then you might as well take a chain and lock her up in the house."


Something I heard from Cindy taken out from ' Da S ' book. Meaningful. It gave me some thoughts. Maybe sometimes went we scrape our knees for someone, we have fallen so deep we forget the initial motive of just wanting to love each other. Starts to fall all over the person and always waiting for that hand to hold on to you. When the person makes a run for it, it only cause you to fall even deeper. In the process, you just lose yourself and lose the meaning to the whole fairytale.

Trying to Blog:
I'm blogging in my office @ the most funny hours of the dae. Been trying to blog since 12pm but as I'm suppose to be more ' discreet ' so I keep having to minmize and maximize my screen. How stupid. My God! I've been trying to write my blog for the pass 5 hrs!!! Like duh...

A call From the States:
Todae got a call from the sillygirl in the states. Real happy to be able to chat with her but think she isn't in the most joyful of moods. She seem a little edgy too. * is it me? pple tend to get edgy talking to me these daes* My letters never got to her!!! So upsetting. There are so much that I wrote in those letters to her. I just don't understand how they got lost in mail? * scratch head* Well, will be trying to send again. Just have to pray for this real sillygirl to be happy over there. Feels bad that as a friend, I can't be there for her.

Reconnection:
I'm a little better cos I got a call from a friend who was kinda edgy yesterdae. Real thanks for the call. At least I know maybe I called @ the wrong time yesterdae that cos her to have that reaction. She still sound a little on the fire but I would say, much much better. Thanks for your help. I will get back to you asap. Hope I catch you @ the rite time.

Message:
Got a msg from Ah fang. Hahaa! Been feeling in the dumps but thanks for the pple who cares or even pay that little attention to me.
" To accompany someone is a kind of giving. It is also a form of love."

The Fat Pig:
I ate so much yesterdae!!! I went to Fish & Co with Cin. We were so cool. We ate the quantity of what a table for 4 is having! Amazed! Well, that table were all Aneroxic Spokesmen, Bitching- bitches, High-class wannabes 'HIGH CLASS WAITRESS'! Yikes!
There is a fun incident. The table behind us was actually celebrating one of the friend's birthdae. I really didn't know that it was so fun to celebrate birthdaes @ F&C. The birthdae girl was made to stand on the chair and all the crews surround the table singing a birthdae cheer for her. Hahaa!
Yes! I'm like the ultimate FAT PIG!!! I so should be on diet. At least to go back to fitting properly into my small tops. * bottoms as well * But on second tot... the world is so full of delicious and attractive food!!! Give it up? Do I really have to... * cocker spaniel eyes*

Gossipers:
I was talking to one of my colleague Jolene, someone who clicks! I realise we have been the target of our office of tongue-wagging hags. We are constantly being bombarded by the women on everything. The way we speak, the way we dress, the way we walk, even the way we laugh! Like wat is wrong with all these pple? Just because we wear fancy shoes, listen to Jay, wear skirts that is a little above the knee and talk about the fun places to hang out @, we are condemn as Cheongsters, Hiyao, flirt, unacceptables and anything that they can come up with. We are alwaes clowns for the office cos any joke they crack would include us. Its quite annoying to have to constantly smile it off and just say 'its okie' cos its NOT! It takes alot of restraint to just not scream @ them. Women.

The office dae has come to an end. Life goes on. Stupid customers are still out there. Colleagues from hell still thrives. N me?

I just watch to watch the sun shine on me and the stars accompany me thru the long dark nites.

" It was U who picked the pieces up. When I was a broken soul and then glued me back together. Returned to me what others stole. I don't wanna hurt U, I don't wanna make U sway. Like I know I've done before, I will not do it anymore. I've always been a dreamer, I've had my head among the clouds. Now that I'm coming down...Won't U be my solid ground? "


' SWAY ' by The Perishers.
I'm in love with this song. It gives me the direction to do something. The bittersweet feeling of love. I'm finally blogging about it. I don't know why but I just feel its the right time to blog it now.

Today is a dae I felt all the ups and downs.
I felt like I lost a friend again. Maybe the connection is no longer there. The communication becomes to the minimum. There no longer is tolerence towards wasting of time just chatting. Everything that is done is for a reason, even when I just want to care, it seems like I'm doing it for something.

A little hope came.
A Friend are still willing to listen even when others are not. Just show the wrong priority in my life.

I need to go watch a movie.
I'm not feeling too good. I'm going thru something in my head and my heart is attached to it. To follow the mind and break the heart or to follow the heart and have it broken. I need a way. I can't find my way. I want to watch tons of movies. I want to watch ' ALL ABOUT LOVE '. I want to watch the funniest and the saddest movies. I need a release of emotions.

I want to isolate.
To try and start anew. To try to set my priorties straight. To give up on things and to live with the lemons in life. I want to not need anyone. To be just 'for 1'. To refrain from getting hurt and to live with the hurt done.

Jess.
R you alrite? When r you goin to call me? I'll wait for your call. Lets talk for the moment. I don't want to lose the connection.

Soon the sun will set, and the nite will come. Loneliness will be around but there is nothing that can be done.

" It was U who picked the pieces up. When I was a broken soul and then glued me back together. Returned to me what others stole. I don't wanna hurt U, I don't wanna make U sway. Like I know I've done before, I will not do it anymore. I've always been a dreamer, I've had my head among the clouds. Now that I'm coming down...Won't U be my solid ground? "


' SWAY ' by The Perishers.
I'm in love with this song. It gives me the direction to do something. The bittersweet feeling of love. I'm finally blogging about it. I don't know why but I just feel its the right time to blog it now.

Today is a dae I felt all the ups and downs.
I felt like I lost a friend again. Maybe the connection is no longer there. The communication becomes to the minimum. There no longer is tolerence towards wasting of time just chatting. Everything that is done is for a reason, even when I just want to care, it seems like I'm doing it for something.

A little hope came.
A Friend are still willing to listen even when others are not. Just show the wrong priority in my life.

I need to go watch a movie.
I'm not feeling too good. I'm going thru something in my head and my heart is attached to it. To follow the mind and break the heart or to follow the heart and have it broken. I need a way. I can't find my way. I want to watch tons of movies. I want to watch ' ALL ABOUT LOVE '. I want to watch the funniest and the saddest movies. I need a release of emotions.

I want to isolate.
To try and start anew. To try to set my priorties straight. To give up on things and to live with the lemons in life. I want to not need anyone. To be just 'for 1'. To refrain from getting hurt and to live with the hurt done.

Jess.
R you alrite? When r you goin to call me? I'll wait for your call. Lets talk for the moment. I don't want to lose the connection.

Soon the sun will set, and the nite will come. Loneliness will be around but there is nothing that can be done.

" But without U, my life is incomplete, my days are absolutely gray and so I'll try let your heart know for sure that i have so much more to tell U every single day. My life is incomplete, my rights are absolutely gone so wake me up before U leave today. Something i need to say cause they'll be nothing when U're gone. "


Doesn't it sound so sincere? I love this song. I talked about it previously in my blog. 'International You Day', I like the words. Its so dedicated to the person I love. Hahaa! Those of you who never heard it yet, go get it!

I'm sick... Having my real BIG BAD FLU again. My nose is falling off and its so painfully coz its kinda peeling. Ugly... I can feel a headache coming up. Hopefully it doesn't turn to a full blown fever.

So boring in the office... Nothing much for me to do these days. So sucky! The boss is so gona keep her EYES on me. Yikes!

I wana watch 'All About Love' !!! when can I watch it? Haiz...

Jess!!! What happen to your blog gal? I'm so sorry to miss your call. Do call me when you are free ya! Miss having you around. Really! Don't even club without you. Come back soon... Save me from the big bad flu!!!

These days I fallen in love with Yan Zi album. So so tempted to buy... But can't... beta save up for Rainy daes. Gona b jobless real soon. *sob sob*

" U always hurt the one U love. The one U shouldn't hurt at all. U always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall. U always break the kindest heart with a hasty word U can't recall. So If I broke your heart last night It's because I love U most of all. "


This is a song from Micheal Buble, ' You Always Hurt The One You Love '. Isn't it so true. I guess you only feel the hurt if you still love that person. If you don't, it doesn't matter if you sounded harsh or you have rejected the person a million times. It doesn't matter cause you will never see the person hurting or feel that guilt of hurting the person. It goes the same if you do not love the person, and the person was mean to you. You wouldn't feel a single ache or pain. You wouldn't even care.

Today my title for my blog is ' In the Office w a sad soul... '. Why? I don't know. I've been a devil to my customers by having to obey to my manager and offering rates that can kill them. Yet there is nothing I can do even thou I know they are in financial crisis. I feel so useless and trap. people can be so very nice to me and ended only in a worse state, yet evil people who derided and upsets me gets the best of all. This really makes me think of the kind of reality world that I'm living in. Full of Liars, Ungracious, despeakable SWINES!

Enough of stupid pple. Todae is boring. Not much to do. Got scolded for nothing by stupid pple who think they know everything.

A little lonely these days again. Seem like even frens that I always hang out with no longer have time for me. They all have something or someone forming their center. I'm out of the picture.

Jess if you see this can you call me? Lets tok. So many things seems to be happening and I'm ignorant to it. Call me pls okie. I wana knoe that you are okie.

Fell in love with 2 songs. Been wasting my time searching the internet for the lyrics. I truely love them.
The Perishers - Sway
No Use for A Name - International You Day

The words are so beautiful. Can someone sing it to me even if it will break my heart just listening to it. Burn it for me? So I can keep it.

May the Sunshine always be Smiling.

" Stars shining bright above U, night breezes seem to whisper, "I love U". Birds singing in the sycamore tree, "Dream a little dream of me". Say "nighty-night" and kiss Me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll MISSME. While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me. Stars fading, but I linger on, Dear. Still craving your KISS, I'm longing to linger till dawn, Dear. Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find U. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind U. But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of Me... "


I love this song. It perks me up. It a sweet song meant to put a reminder to the 'dear' to remember you. a confeesion of you missing that very person in a dreamy way. Hee! I'm so lingering around.

In sort of in a Grumpy mood todae cos did not get a good sleep. All because of my Jie Lun. Hee! Been lisiening to his new album. Yes! I bought his new album!!! Hahaa! Its real SUPERB. Go grabit! I love the songs. Especially the first few. ' Black Sweater' is a sad emotional song but it doesn't make you feel that strong. Its just a peaceful kind of heartbreak. ' Hair Like Snow' is one of my favorite. I love the tune and the words. A song of waiting and fate. ' Maple', a song written by bullet head. I love the last sentence of the chorus, ' I just want you to stay by my side'.
I can go on and on of all his songs. He look real cute in this blue shirt. I tot he look like a prince.

Okie! Office suck but well @ least I finally see results. My last month, I manage to get an incentive of $300! Yeah! Not too bad for a started like me huh. Still I have to say pple can be so irritating and so ungracious. I hope those pple get a taste of their own madicine. Hmph!

Fish Fish going overseas agn! Japan agn!!! Well hope she have fun and Fish you better take gd gd care hoh!

Jess!!!! Got your msg. Y nv get my letter! how!?! So shd I still send to you? Think I go ask Mr Chong. Hee! Come back soon to accompany me pls! I'm always alone. So lonely. Do enjoy ur time there ya! But dun fall sick agn.

Smile Smile Smile Smile!!!!!! Luv ya! Muacks! May the Sun always be Shining!

" Champagne kisses, hold me in your lap of luxury. I only want to fly first-class desires, you're my limousine. So elegant, the way we ride, our passion, it just multiplies. There's platinum lightning in the sky. Look! I'm livin' like a queen.
Sugar, honey, sexy baby. When we touch it turns to gold. Sensitive and delicate, kinda like a tuberose. U know U are my treasure chest. It's pure perfection when we kiss and U're my Mr., I'm your Miss. Gonna be until we're old. "


I love this song ever since I heard it on the radio. The tune is catchy and it so suits me. ' LUXIOUS ' by Gwen Stefani. It took me quite awhile to figure the words but ain't it sweet? Its addictive. Initially I though it was over just money then I realise her meaning of rich was not in money terms but in terms of LOVE. How cool! How many people around are able to say they are so rich in love. A beauty in its own way.

I'm still in the office! Argh! Wanted to clear my work but TUpID system shut down!!! Somebody stab me (*~*") Since I can't do anything, I shall blog! Hmph!

I had lots of fun yesterdae @ Bevi. I made Gingerbread man! Hee! Okie, nt exactly done the whole thing but I design them. So CUTE! Jay was sooo nice to let me have a hand on the dough. Really laughed our heads off. Too bad I didn't have a camera or I would take pixs of all the cute like Ginerbread "Boys" I made. Hee!
But I do say I pity on Jay and June. The job is really killing them I guess. Tough. Tiring. Really wish they were being treated nicer. What is with the people who does nothing and get to enjoy Life. Irritating!

I'm gona send Cheryl off tml. She's going Sdyney for a big lesson. Just a way of saying ' All the Best!'. I love the airport anywae. Hahaa! Anyone keen to join me?

Tml I'm off. No work @ all! I feel so totally lost. I need to do something. I really need to find something to do...

Fish is going on trips agn!!! So irritatingly irritating! Everydae oso fly. Better buy me a gift!

Donkey! Study hard! Good Luck! Giving you moral support okie!

Cin, you okie? Anything just call ya!

Today the Sun was shining Really Brightly for me. I was smiling.

Sandra
1985

+ tiffany
+ HL
+ Wendy
+ Donkey
+ Cindy
+ Keong
+ MaoMao

+ auntieSusie
+ Forever@21
+ CrazyShoes
+ Maine's
+ HL's

+ Twit Twittering



DBSK I Like BRUSHES:Y
Made in photoshop ver 0.7, most compaitable with IE, 1024 x 768
All rights reserved.