" I keep my paint brush with me wherever I go, in case I need to cover up so the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show you me, afraid of what you'll do... that, you might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all my paint coats to show you the real true me, but I want you to try and understand, I need you to accept what you see.
So if you'll be patient and close your eyes, I'll strip off all my coats real slow, please understand how much it hurts.
To let the real me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold.
And if you still love me with all that you see, you are my dearest, pure as gold.
I need to save my paint brush, though, and hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy in case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dearest and thanks for loving me true, but please let me keep my paint brush with me until I Love Me, too. "


Do you have many coats to protect yourself as well? How many have left you before you became bare? How many stayed patiently waiting for you? How many still love you for what they see? How many sheltered you from hurt and pain? Have you been able to love yourself?

For Me?
Many a time, it ends at the red full stop.

" Of course,she has won. You notice that he is carrying her green bag. He had disdained carrying your bag. He had hated green. People change over time, you guess. It has been a while since the break-up, since he told you that he has unresolved commitment issues. You can't help but confront the bare fact now: He didn't not want to get married. He just didn't want to marry YOU. "


Got this little part out of Sunday newspaper on an article called " Running - on empty "
It talks about a scenario where a woman meets the man who is already with another person and what could be going through her mind at that point of time. What she would really like the man to know. What she wanted to say to him. To cover up her vulnerability of losing him and watching him with another person. The little things that goes through the mind. Doing things that you both promise to do together, the many times you cried yourself insane, never will you be able to forget this person, the SMS you will always keep in your phone no matter what and on the whole of not hating this person cos he is only human, wish he never exist and yet thanked that at least you think he loved you. The article ended with an ending I think is true. It ended with the woman not saying all that goes through her mind, she just said she's fine and she had to go and ran as fast as she could to try to get away from the hurt.
I put in that particular part of the article cause I felt the most hurt reading it. Truth hurts...

There was also another article on polygamy. I read it felt depressed but its true. There really are no more ' All I need is you and all you need is me ' , it has evolve to ' Having just you is never enough. She will bring more joy to me. I want both. ', ' I have her but that don't mean I'm not available to have others. ' , ' the more the merrier. ' This is how relationships are viewed now. Monogamy is out of fashion. Sad to really know this but again truth hurts and this is one of it.

Heard a sad sad situation of a gal. Much to as I can feel her pain, I can do nothing to help her cause the person who cause so much pain is still unknowingly making the scar deeper by leaving little clues behind that forms a big picture that, " I've found someone and we are in love. " Just within a few weeks, from being the gal in love to the gal having to watch the person you love do all that both of you had once did together. I think she must be hurting very badly now even though she's been hurt by the same person a million times before. It still hurts. I don't know if she can make it to really leave this time, but no matter what she decides to do, I know the decision didn't come by easy.

Today met up w my clique to have a little gathering before Xian goes NS. It was pouring down hard and I got a little wet. It was freezing. When Angus cos Xian wants to eat the appetizers there. Then decided to go for some coffee drinking. But we couldn't decide where to go. We ended up at OB starbucks. Its been real long since I went there. All the faces have changed, the crowd ain't there anymore but the atmosphere is still as relaxing. All of us got a drink but no one really spoke. There was a tension.
After the drinks, we left. Ber, yong, di and me shared a cab. It was then the conversation started. It was then I heard another sad story. A story about someone unable to let go and goes on believing the person he love will come back to him 1 day. Stories of the many attempts of frens telling him to snap out of it. The truth of it is the person will never go back to him cos to her, " y would I want to go back when the future is so beautiful. " Again truth truely do hurt, but he did not hear this so he can still live in the denial of she still love him.
It didn't matter if the love has been there for years or the love just started. As long as you feel strongly for the other party, time no longer matters. " You can be with the person for 3 yrs bt if the connection between you 2 is not strong, it will still end. On the other hand, you can just be with the person for 6 mths and you feel you can go on forever. " This is something Di told me. Truth hurts.

I realise I'm having a little distance with my clique. I've been missing out on so so many things that is happening in our little gang. I feel out of place. I feel like I'm losing the connection with them. All of them are studying, leading a carefree life and meeting up or even talking on the phone late at nite with each other. Showing all the care and concern that should be there. I'm working, and I no longer have that carefree life. Every minute of my life now is money. I have to live in the realistic world and no longer able to say ' I have all of the time in the world ' cos time don't belong to me. My time belongs to my boss, my customers, people I have to meet, my parents and money.

I'm sad because I realise I no longer can talk about my life to them or to anyone. Days when I'm really tire and I want to just find someone to chat to. And when I can't find anyone to do that, I close it up and go to sleep. Soon it becomes part of me to just close it all up.

This reminds me of something Cin told me ytd. She got this from a fren. " This person is at the top of your list so when you are free, you want someone, it will always be the person cos the person is at the top of your list. So when you can't find the person, no matter who goes out with you, you will not be happy cos that person is not the person at the top of your list. When you know the person is having a off day, you will hope the person will call you out or even msg you cos the person is at the top of your list. " I didn't know I had a priority list til i hear this. And I realise I have 1 person on the top of my list. My list ends there. Do u have such a priority list? Who is on the top of ur list?

" The moment I wake up, Before I put on my makeup. I say a little prayer for you... While combing my hair, now, And wondering what dress to wear, now, I say a little prayer for you... "

Just heard a little sad news today of someone in hospital. This is dedicated to her. May she get well soon. She's couragous enough to face the unknown future of the operation theatre. She'll be fine.The sun will always shine on her.

Today seem to be a little sad day for me. I heard from so many customers of the inability to pay and yet are force to. I so wanted to help but I'm unable to due to company policy. I felt so bad I beg my collegue to help me convey the msg but in the end I still had to do it myself. It really suck to be unable to help. In that matter, it just purely suck to nt being of any help and I really I have always been in such a position. I never really help anyone before, even the person I love I was of no help at all.

Spoke to Jess today and I realise I miss her so much I felt like crying talking to her. Its like ages since we even spoke to each other. So glad she is still doing okie. Feel like crying now again just thinking of her. She can't really find much to eat. I hope she will take good care of herself. I promise to write to her now that I have her address as I can't really come online often. Wait for my letter ya babe!

These days been reading this comic that I bought a long time ago and realise I'm similiar to the main gal character. Timid, shy, totally no confidence, bothersome and a big cry baby. But she's better off then me cos the guy she love is in love w her and is always there for her. I stop buying this series for awhile, maybe I'll go back to buying it.Cos it shows the process of the gal learning to grow stronger and I sort of want to know if she and the guy will end up together. I wana know if she is really able to be a much stronger person cos til now, i'm still nt even have way there yet.

Been using my office as a electric company. Charge my fone and my discman there. Cheapo rite... but well maybe I can look at it as a form of benefit? It won't hurt rite...

Okie... To all my frens... If I'm losing u guys pls tell me cos I'm really living in a blur and life is so routine everyday I no longer function my brain or my heart much to all u out there who care.
I'm facing alot of pressure and problems these days so I may be a little unfriendly or just pure anti-social or I'm just too tire to do anything. But always rem tht U pple are my supporting pillars and I thank everyone of you for being there for me.

Well I'm really worried for someone. I hope everything is alright. I'll really pray hard tonight before I fall asleep that everything will be fine. Maybe thats the only thing I can do now.

" The more I see you,the more I want you.Somehow this feeling just grows and grows.With every sigh I become more mad about you, more lost without you, and so it goes.Can you imagine how much I'll love you the more I see you as years go by? I know the only one for me can only be you.My arms won't free you...My heart won't try."

These days songs kept going through my mind. Mostly songs that reflect love and waiting. Mistakes and hurt. I'm falling in love with Micheal Buble, as you can see. His voice soothes me. I love ' Quando, Quando , Quando ' the duet version with Nelly futardo. " Tell me when will U be mine? " Questions and confessions. the other sentence that goes through my head is " There's a Danger in Loving somebody toomuch. And its sad when You know its your Heart you can't Trust. " It seems like I'm in a dilemma.It seems I'm always caught in the middle of almost anything. Indecisive. I presume. Decisions? Maybe I'll never be able to make a perfect decision when it comes to matters that thugs my heart strings. Oh well... Love me... Love everything about me...

These days everyone seem so hectic, so busy, so Uncontactable. Its starting to get real lonely...
Lucky I manage to meet up w my musketteers, Donkey and Printer.We went Printer's wrk place. Its been a real long time since we came out as a trio. Took loads of pixs! Our Favorite sport!

I realise I'm always involve in trios... If U know wat I mean. All my cliques usually comes in 3s. HL n Jess n Me. Fang n KX n Me. Phine n Ms Bao n the occasional Me. Maine n Jia Hui n squeezy Me. HL n Simone n Me. Adidi n Samuel n Me. Limin n Lixian n Me. Jocelyn n Jessica n Me
It seems I'm always playing a Role unconnected to the others in the group.To say, I never felt being so left out before.

I realise I want to get a camera. I realise its really one of the greatest inventions. It captures moments in time. Happy or Sad, Pretty or Ugly, Past or Present. everything will freeze in tht moment the button is pressed.
I realise I've missed out on so many moments of my life. I wana capture them and then put them into a book full of memories w notes of every pix and lock it up. When I'm old and my mind is failing me and when I no longer can recognise anyone, I'll look at it.

Been real stress out at wrk tht my hair is seriously falling out. Its so bad tht even I'm scared to touch my hair now. I'm afraid one day when I sweep my hand thru my hair a whole patch wld just fall out. Hmmm...sounds like some horror movie. Can you imagine me without hair. I think I can pass off as a light bulb.*tink!*

I'm quite happy writing this entry as I finally gt to see Jess online! She's still great. I miss her company so much! asked her abt things and realise I can't send her mooncake cos the US wldnt pass it. So sad... I wld tot I wanted to still let her feel the festive season of it.I even bought 1 box of mooncakes specially for her apart from the other I bought specially too.
Okie... So now I have to eat all the mooncakes and grow fat.

Watched the 1st epi of the ch 5 new reality show called ' villa wellness ' I tell you the creators are pure horrid! They make the contestants so upset. Can't even talk to ppl they love. Does tht really act as a motivation to lose weight? It doesn't seem effective to me.

Did I mention my sis's bf is back. Now finally she can stop w her annoying PMSings and be less at home. Leave me in peace. Thanks the great one above!

Cindy... U alrite now? Dun lose faith. Just take care of urself and watch wat you eat. U'll be fine. Ppl dun die tht easily you know.
Just do wat you think is rite. if Michelle even criterise you agn or tok behind ur back about you or put you dwn, go tell her Sandra said she's ugly. Hmph! * bleah*
Dun let her bring you dwn. stay happy olrite.

I'm real tire now... Sleepy... Had a long day. Before I 4get. " Donkey, pls study hard and stop amusing urself w gals ya! they make you seem stupid. Hee! " I'm so gona miss Jess! I miss U too! " Sunshine in my window, thats wat U are, My shining Star. "

Sandra
1985

+ tiffany
+ HL
+ Wendy
+ Donkey
+ Cindy
+ Keong
+ MaoMao

+ auntieSusie
+ Forever@21
+ CrazyShoes
+ Maine's
+ HL's

+ Twit Twittering



DBSK I Like BRUSHES:Y
Made in photoshop ver 0.7, most compaitable with IE, 1024 x 768
All rights reserved.