Bursted Out In Many ToTs

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

" I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky...but why, why can't it be mine? "

Have anyone felt like that before? Doesn't it feel helpless?
Loving someone so much that all to think of is to want that person to be truely happy everyday. Yet the only way the person can be happy is to be with someone else. Yet the hope that that person can be happy with you as well. What would you choose? Can I choose to be selfish and want the person to stay with me? Can the person be the bright star in my sky? To lighten up my nights?

I'm so stress out from work!!! I'm so stress... My wrk is really gettin to me... I cried from being so stress from wrk last wk. Felt so congested. Felt lik everything and everyone was pressing dwn on me. Yet there wasn't anyone I could tok to.

Today I offically had to wrk and make all the decisions myself. I realise there r so many things that I do nt know and so many different kinds of situations that I cannot cope with. I felt so bad having to keep asking for help. I feel even worse when others have to help me handle the whole case. Haiz....
Then there is like tons of work to be done, so many customer to call back and handle. My table looked like a war juz happened and customers kept calling to ask me to do this , discount for that, appeal for tis, better rates, why make their life difficult, why so rigid, wat r the dates for payments? why interest so high, why can't revise, why? Why? WHY? WHY?!!!!!
Do I look like SCB in any way? Do I look like I really out to make their lives difficult? Do I look like I'm the one that makes all the policies and rules?
I'm really trying very hard to help by giving the lowest that I can.I really am. I'm not the bank, I can't give you ppl watever you wan.

These days I can't really smile that much. Guess its partially cos I'm tire, I'm stress out and there seems to be problems that I can't do anything abt even if I really wanted to.

Life went past w me watching DIM SUM DOLLIES, me CRYING THE HELL OUT, me STARING AT MY FONE ALL DAY, me WATCHING MOVIES, me GOING TANNING, me GET SUPER STRESS, me TRYING TO GET THINGS FIX, me WRKING MORE, me CELEBRATING MY PO PO B'DAE, me STUFFING MYSELF W FOOD, me LOOKING FOR PPL FOR COMPANY, me CRAVING TO WRK OUT, me WANTING TO BE HAPPY, me MISSING JESS MORE, me MISSING MY LIFE MORE, me WANTING TO REALLY TALK TO SOMEONE, me WANTING TO JUST BE LEFT ALONE...

Met Bren's boyfren ytd. Micheal... The American guy she truly love. He's real funny n they were real loving. It felt so nice to watch them just tok, tease, joke n laugh to each other.Watching them truly appreciate each other and the time they treasure. I truly wish they will stay w each other cos they r really loving. No matter wat obstacles they will have to face in the future, I hope they won't give up on each other. If truly in love n to let go cos there r times where things r had to bear, there will only be regrets.

Jess... I really miss you lots... pls take care of urself there. I miss having you arnd to cheer me up or go eat crazily together. No more steamboat... Times really get lonely w/o you. put more pixs on ur blog so I noe how you r over there okie.

Donkey... study hard. Noe ur personal life is getting complicated agn n know you r trying to change somethings in it. Hope you can make it. Study hard and meet me for prata. I want to know the updates in ur life.

How r u Ms Bao, Phine? How have you all been? Wrk been busy. Hardly even talk to you all anymore. R ur lives okie? Happy? The weather kinda rainy these days. Dun get caught in the rain ya!

I want to take pictures... lots and lots of pictures... I realise my life have been passing me so fast... I realise I have miss out on so so much of my life. I realise I'm regretting not capturing more of my life in the past. I'm staring to miss all the times in the past.
Now I want take down all the little details in my life. All the ppl in my life. I dun wan to miss or lose any of them.
I want to truly treasure the ppl and things arnd me.

Smile My Sunshine...

Dancing for U @ 1:54 PM!Y

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

" I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived. "

This is something I would say a long time ago. It was something I believe. Things that are broken can never be mend to its perfect state again.No matter how hard you try.
I knew that was true and yet for love I did it...
I tried all ways, gave all my patience, all the tears, all the generosity, all the time, just wishing it would be mended back to how it was. The 1st day it started...

Today. 8th August 2005. On this faithful day 3 years ago, I met an angel. 1 with a beautiful smile. A miracle happened in my life. I was so lucky.
But that special angel in my life left. Left to be an angel for another. Left to lighten up another's everyday. My miracle ended then.

She's so lucky. She got Sunshine in her life. Never will she see dark clouds or stormy weather.

Do you like Fireworks?
I love them. They are always so beautiful.So spectacular. I just wish it goes on and on. Things beautiful never seems to last. Like fireworks, there is only that moment. That special moment to capture that most sparkling, glittering, most spectacular moment. After that wats left is the darkness of it all. I wish I can always capture that moment. I wish it last forever. I do.

Maybe everything got to end at its most beautiful moment.

Wat does a picture mean? Wat does it matter?
A picture says a million words. It matters cos its the moment u wana capture and keep forever. Its in ur heart. Its from ur heart.
Do you have that picture you know you will want to frame up and always look at it? I don't. I will never be able to get that picture cos the person would never want that.

Today. I made myself work til really late. I had a date. A promise made 3 years ago. But til today, it was never fulfilled. I only wish 1 day it would. Cos a miracle happened that day.

I felt good times come
I thought they'd stay
Things undone
They become what may
Angels come
But left today
And I let you slip away
Listen now
Burning empty
Still this can't be
Believe it or not-not That happy

Want u 2 know
I never would have
Figured out
That Way you play me now
It could have been forever
Now it's bringing me down
The high and the low
Up and down we go
Put myself 2 close
Got burnt like toast
Feels like I'm sinking
In the Dead Sea
Don't really care
The space inside
Is so empty

It's like it's over
Before it's begun

This song is over
And so is our 1

Maybe next time I will see that miracle again. One day the Sun will shine on me again.

Dancing for U @ 2:59 PM!Y