" We've all been there. Your relationship's cruising along when a weird feeling creeps up whether its feeling neglected, constant fighting or the realisation that you don't want the same things, sometimes the smallest glitch can push your relationship into a meltdown. What then? Don't fret because it might not be as hopeless as you think. ' Those of you who feel you've reached a dead end are actually at a perfect point to turn things around,' says Dr Bonnie Eaker Weil in her book ' Make up, Don't Break up.' ' At the onset of any relationship, there's fascination and the promise of untold happiness. but at some points, things change. Many relationships stop even before they've really started. There comes a point where we either make up or we break up.' "


Has your just started to bloom or have you already given up?

These days life is so boring... Time passes oh so slow... I've been at the candy stall and I tink I'm kinda jinx. Cos apparently whenever its me, there dun seem much ppl arnd... n ppl goes off the minute I stand up and say 'Hello!' Do I look like I have looks that can 'KILL' ? Or do my fangs are showing?!
Ytd, I only manage to sell like 6 bottles of candies... From morning all the way til 0700! Cheryl was nice to buy me an apple pie n OJ from MacDonalds. so long since I had tis 2 items! Happy. But tat was also all I got for the whole day...* fainting...*
My stomach was also in bad condition. It kept having tis sudden pain that never failed to make me go on my knees. Then when I tot I'm gona faint it stop! Amazing rite... IT suck!
Then for the 1st time I talk to the girl at the other push cart! Congrats! Okie not exactly talk but we were like ' I need the toilet, you look after my stall ' frens.

Was feeling down in the evening... cos I was bored, I was hungry, and No one misses me.... *sob*
Was gona meet Cin to get Harry potter. So had to take a bus to Suntec. On the bus I felt like a totally deflated balloon. Guess cos I was hungry too... Almost cried when I heard like sad songs on the radio. *wats with sad songs n the nite!* Luckily, Donkey msg me...
And so Cin went to esplansade which means I gota go there...
My bus stop near fullerton, n so I had to walk the bridge... All emotions rising... memories...I still love that bridge...
Anw, we finally met! together with a few other frens. Hang out for a while then home we went.
Oh... and I still didn't get Harry cos we forgot tat we left it with another of the fren... n we went different directions. *duh*

When home and watched ' Hao Se Er Ren Zu '. It really cheered me up. I love that program. And Fiona Xie is so Pretty!

Thx Cin for helpin me find out where are there OCBC banks! Hee!

HL pls take care of urself. Get well soon okie!

Missing for a Day...

" 'I know it hurts when you cant be with someone you love. But you need to be at peace with his desires. Maybe he doesnt want you interrupting your life. Maybe he cant deal with that burden. I tell everyone I know to carry on with the life they know - don't ruin it because I'm dying.'
But he's my brother, i said.
'I know. that's why it hurts.' "


Its really hurting isn't it? When you have to watch the meaning in your life tear up your heart... Be at peace with it? Trying... very hard...
Is it a burden? Is what love that is given out a burden? How much is enough? How much is too much?
Do you feel hurt? Not everyone can hurt you that deeply... Do you feel the pain cos you love the person?
What would you do? To hold on? Or let the person have the desire they want and just hope all the pain will go away?

Ytd, played mahjong w HL, Fang and KX... yes.... mahjong again... we played til 0700 tis morning.
Took a bus and came home to sleep.

Woken by a call from Lynn. A reminder to go out with her tml. Hahaa! Yes, I remember Lynn...
Went back to sleep.
Woken by a call from Maine...
And then a call from Phine...

I gonna to start work at Bivi next week.The call from Maine was to inform me of my schedule. No interview? Nope...
I'm starting on a Friday... What will it be like? Will it be like that old place I love? Afraid not... Nothing can replace the feelings I have for that place... Maybe I'll get to have another new book of memories here...
Good or bad? I duno... juz hope I'll still make it here.
Afraid? Very...

Stayed at home til now... Goin to grandmama's soon...

Donkey darlin is back! Gave me a msg. So hapi! got me some stuffs, but the important item was unable to be purchase. Hmmm... how do I convey the bad news? Anyone goin overseas?
Anw, miss Donkey alot... miss all the jokes she tells me when I needed them. Need to meet up with her... or I'll soon forget how she even look.
Donkey if you see tis, pls arrange a time to meet up okie! Prata?
Know your exams and your gal needs your time, but when you can spare that little time, I want to be on the top of the list.

Initial D... there are so much news on it. I want to watch it. I want to desperately...
Didn't get to see Jay even when he is in SG. So near yet so far... Its the third time I missed the chance to see him.

Downloaded an Initial D song that I really love... 一路向北 ...
A really sad song but I love the words and the way he sings it...
Is there a soundtrack? I want to get it... just have to sacrifice 3 meals. Not a bad deal... Have to go check it out. 我好累 已无法再爱上谁...

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是我不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回

我一路向北 离开有你的季节
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹

" What if you had one day perfectly healthy, I asked? What would you do? ' Twenty-four hours? ' Twenty-four hours.
' Let's see... I'd get up in the morning, do my exercises, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I'd have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other. '
' Then I'd like to go for a walk, in a garden with some trees, watch the birds, take in the nature, that I haven't seen in so long now. '
' In the evening, we'd all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck - I love duck - and then we'd dance the rest of the night. I'd dance with all the wonderful dance partners out there, until I was exhausted. And then I'd go home and have a deep, wonderful sleep. '
That's it? ' That's it'
It was so simple. So average. I was actually a little disappointed. I figured he'd fly to Italy or have lunch with the president or romp on the seashore or try every exotic thing he could think of.
After all these months, lying there, unable to move a leg or foot - how could he find perfection in such an average day?
Then I realise this was the whole point. "


Simplicity. Isn't it lovely?
I tot so... Life now is so complicated. So tiring.
Everyone seem so complex compared to how I would have viewed any of them last time.
Everything no longer comes in the simple, easy way.
I like the way Morrie describes a perfect day. It is a perfect day for everyone rite? If you tink back on how happy you are as a kid, you will realise, its the simple things that gave us that perfect happiness.
My perfect day? I want to fly a kite, run around, laugh at the fail attempts to get it up. Sit under a tree and just have a little pinic. Or just to hold the hands of a loved one a take a stroll by the beach, with the waves washing against our feets, and just talk about little things that we want to or just say nothing at all. Or we can just simply sit on the couch, cruddle up and watch tv.
Tired of the hectic and complicated life... Is your life now the perfect day?

when clubbing ytd...
Only 4 of us were there. HL, Simone, Jess and Me. Nowadays, it seem that we are the only ones left of the clubbing gang.
We danced, we boozed, we laughed, we took turns to go to the toilet. Jess and I even down half a bottle of e33 each in one shot. Then near 0100, Simone and HL wanted to go off, cos HL wasn't feeling well. So we all sat outside for awhile. HL puked up cos she wasn't feeling well. Then they left. Jess wanted to continue playin so y not? But cos my lunch was in such big proportion, I wasn't feeling good. So I told Jess I needed to puke up. And so it was my 2nd time puking up at Zouk.
After I cleared out my stomach, we went back dancing and Jess drank anot 2 more martini 7up. Oh boy were we high! We just went CRAZY! til 0300, we were still high that we sat outside Zouk for awhile. then Jess wanted to eat prawn noodles at Newton and so we drove there. Both of us were so giddy, we just slept in the car. So we didn't get to eat any prawn noodles cos by the time we woke up, it was a 0455.
We drove back to Jess place cos she was too tired to sent me back. She also scared me to death cos she was having such bad panic-attacks! I tot she might just die from lack of air!
Anw, got to her place n just slept til 0115 today...

While I was puking ytd outside Zouk, actually saw Nath and Zoe. Jess told Nath I was puking at the other end but apparantly we ain't such friends cos she didn't even bother to come over to see how am I. Jess said it was cause Zoe was arnd... so am I to lose frens tat I treasure just becos I lost 1 of them?
Upsetting... cos there nothing I want to do anymore. I give up.

I had fun with Cin ytd morn tanning... we spoke of lots of things... and we concluded that " Keep your frens close, your enemies closer..."
That is something we realise most ppl would do to us... or rather most ppl do it. So sinister...

Anyway, sis comin back soon...tonite...
Donkey will be back tml afternoon...

Oh... watched " My Sassy Girlfriend " finally...
so sweet...

Listening to songs... during clubbing ytd... I fell in love with tis song all over again...

Do you remember girl
I was U were the one who gave you your me mine first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was U were the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame pain and
People screaming your name
Girl I was U were there when you were my I was your baby

" ' There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like. '
' In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you are too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own. '
' You've have these special times with your brother, and you no longer have what you had with him. You want them back. You never want them to stop. But that's part of being human. Stop, renew, stop, renew.'
I looked at him. I saw all the death in the world. I felt helpless. ' You'll find a way back to your brother,' Morrie said. How do you know? Morrie smiled. ' You found me, didn't you?' "


Another little passage from ' Tuesdays with Morrie '... Yes, tis time is about love... Morrie talking about how to handle love. Its true...
Its true.... about having special times and wantin them back when its gone. Wanting them to stay.
But do things really have to stop?
I think Im living in a [Stop. Renew. Stop. Renew.] kinda phrase. kinda stuck in love... erm... so issit normal? 1 moment Im goin crazy over love, the next I wish it all stop, then Im crazy in it again... Seriously is it normal?
When can I find my way back to u?

Was real sick ytd... the stupid flu really got to me...gone in total bad mood... ("-~-") felt so horrible. Couldn't even really sleep well cos I was constantly blowing my nose n the next moment dunkin' lotsa water to replenish the loss.
Felt so tire tis morn.... energy drained... juz laid in bed til near 12 b4 I dragged myself up cos I had to go work.

Work was as usual...lotsa complaints n lotsa brainless work. So tire of it alr... Change pls!

Met Jess, HL, Simone n Maine for movie at 700. It was the tixs from the i-weekly.... It was a jap show, ' Be With You '.
I really like it. Thou the pace is a little slow but I love the story. A love story I would imagine. Cried as usual.
If only you knew I was in love with you too. Fate never fails. A promise will always be a promise. I will never lie to you.
These is what the protagonist was trying to get thru to the audience. I love it. Its a simple yet heart tugging story. Im glad I watched it.
My favorite part? When the female lead first said that her hands were cold. And so the male lead kinda invited her to put her hand in his coat pocket if she didn't mind. The female lead puts her hand into the male lead's pocket, then he put his hand in the same pocket to hold her hand. From then on, she would always do that n he would always hold her hand.
Sweet isnt it? Juz to be able to feel the warmth of the hand you love most...

Went Chomp to eat. So full! tink im fatter again...Hahaa!

Came home n read almost everyone's blog. Everyone seem to be occupied with something... making new frens n bein on real gd terms with them, avoiding ppl, tire from work... Spoke to cin for awhile n she mention about bren's blogged on the Tom Cruise thinggie being so sweet n so I went n read it. It really was a very sweet entry. I would like to do that to...to say how wonderful the person I love is. Go read it... She has lotsa beautiful pixs too! she will be put under my links too. I wana go to the Eiffel Tower too... Will u bring me there?

Well, heard songs on the radio. Picked tis new song by Frankie J. The same person who gave us the ' Obession '. Its called ' How to Deal '.

How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career lost it
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live...how do I deal without you

" ' Ahhh, it's my buddy,' he would say when he saw me, in that foggy,high-pitched voice. And it didn't stop with the greeting. When morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world.How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this - instead of a grumble from a witness or a bus driver or boss?
' I believe in being fully present,' Morrie said. ' That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, Mitch, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us. I am not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking what's coming up this friday. I am not thinking about doing another koppel show or about what medications I'm taking.' ' I am talking to you. I am thinking about you.' "


Maybe some of you will find it all so familiar or to some it just come across as another little passage I'm gonna talk about.
For all those who knows, you must be thinking, " Ahhh...that really nice book." Yes, this was taken out of 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom.
I wanna say 'thanks' to Cin for showing the book to me and lending me scan thru it for all the meaningful little passages. I always wanted to read this book after I've read 'The Five People U Meet In Heaven' also by the same author, but I never got a chance to cost it was to expensive to purchase and no one seem to have it. Luckily now, I finally get to glimsp at it and hope I'll be able to spare some cash to buy it.
This passage is the first I post here as I felt it talk about how people should talk to me. And what I have been telling people, ' Look at Me when you are talking to Me.' I feel everyone should be like how Morrie would do, ' I am talking to you. I am thinking about you'. To me that is the least u can do to show the person in front of u do exist. Isn't that how and what everyone want? To prove that you exist in this world. Isn't it how you want the person you are interacting to feel? Feel your sincerity, your respect and you do feel them there. How have u made the person u are talking to feel today?

I just finished doing the investment file for my boss. Finally! I hope he's satisfied or I'll go mad do it for him again and again! Can't take much of that S***!

Ytd played mahjong with Jess, Fang and KX at my place. I won! so hapi! Its like the first time I won all 3 in a mahjong session. I didn't win much but it was the sense of accomplishment. Hee! thou I'm still unable to really count on the spot or know how many to separate or how many times is it or who wants wat cards but well at least I'm now faster at looking at my own cards and think a little faster of how I wanna form to win. Not bad for a slow person like me rite? Heex!

Ate cheesecake that Jess made. It was very soft but it was good. I liked it alot. Thanks 4 it Jess!

Last Saturday was my cousin wedding and it was held at Westin...
So my mummy had to forced me to wear more lady-like and refuse to let me wear jeans even if I wore a formal top and heels. So I wore a skirt which my mummy agreed (-_-")
At the wedding was horrible... I was the only ' youngster' among the whole table of uncles and aunties. Anw, 1 of my uncle called me auntie! *faint* I did curl my hair a little but 'AUNTIE'!!!
Then came the question and answer part... Luckily they didn't start with the where's your boyfriend thinggie...tink of the look their faces will have if i were to say ' Oh! I've been crazy over this drink. ' ( @~@")
Met Ms Bao aft the whole wedding thinggie. For once she was free to ask me out! Amazing huh...hee... So she came all the way to Westin to meet me. Wanted to go Chjimes, but it was kinda boring and it was a Saturday so I suggested Wine Bar since its where pretty ppl hang out.
Erm... but apparantly Ms Bao didn't have much luck cos for once there ain't many ppl arnd and even lesser pretty ppl hanging out. So we gave up ppl watching and started chatting with the well-known super strong whiskey dry. * Seem like Wine bar got their whiskey at real cheap prices... so strong! Ai Si!*
Then tis 2 guys just wanted to lend part of the table to put their drinks. ended up we were all talking. A 28 yr-old and a 32. 1 is a boss of a own company, another is a high management of DHL.Cool. They treated us to 2 lychee martini each. * Ms Bao n I were both craving for lychees!* Hmmm...well, lucky they ain't some tin brains.And they said we look real young. Hahaa!
I told my tongue was bad, wait til you experience the power of Ms Bao...*Ouch!*

Okie...I'm having a real bad flu now. ("-.-)

" ' You know what came to my mind when I first saw you walk through that door? You look just like Christmas Morning. I thought I should let you know that' "

Out of 'Mr & Mrs Smith' , a part where brad is chasing aft jolie's car. They are kinda outta kill each other. and brad called jolie's cellphone and tok to her. Told her tis, then asked her if she loved him. She was very in love with him but she told a lie saying that he was just part of her cover-up. He told her 'thank you for letting me know'.
So heart breaking at that moment...
As I was saying, I love the way he says it...To have someone say 'you look like christmas morning', I tinkin the sweetest thing...A gift the person is blessed to have. I would love hearing it...

Today I'm in a real upset mode.
Got scolded by my boss as usual but tis time he really did it. Usually i wouldn't mind cos i guess I may not have done a good job or I've been rude too so its just fair. Today however... I was screamed at for the investment file cos I can't get it rite. Then he screamed at me not to msg. But I wasn't... it was his fone...
Then when I finished all the work he gave, he threw more at me. Looking for watever job he could find. I told him I had an interview at 330 but he still threw jobs on my hand... I was so busy rushing n he was there askin me to do another job when I'm not even done with the one he just gave.Then I was rushing against time... All of it was killing me...

I finally manage to finish most of it, but it was alr 305... So I rushed off... I waited so anxiously for bus 7 cos that the oni bus I can get to bivi...
At last the bus came... a double-decker so i took a sit on the upper deck. As I stare out of the window, tears started to flow down my cheeks... I've been trying very hard to hold it back but the harder I try, the worse it got. I'm crying on the bus again. Its been so long since I did.
Guess I'm stress up and upset...

Just when I finish crying, maine called to ask where am I and scolded me for being late and that they were not free n had to go. I could only apologise cos it was my fault that I'm late.
I still went down and the moment I reached Ting scolded me...
Guess today is being scolded day....

Went to the movies with adidi... ' Mr & Mrs Smith ', it was a movie khaki thinggie but today there were only 2 of us. The rest ain't free...
We went lido to watch and I was sayin all abt INITIAL D when adidi said the most shockin thing. ' I have invites to the gala.' He said in the most innocent way... I also fainted on the spot! He had invites to it and cos he was goin back to indo he gave it to his fren who asked for it! I wanted to smash my head on the pillar!
He had an invitation that allows him to bring any number of ppl along n he gave it away! I've been doing everything to try to get tixs for the gala n my movie khaki actually had it all along n i didn't know! I could seriously kill myself. I nagged at him... Its really just my luck isn't it? Loser as always... I felt so rotten!
Anw, dun tink he's feelin okie too cos he just got back his result n it wasn't.... ya... not expected n he's kinda upset too n I was naggin all the way... Feel bad too. I should b nicer to him.
He's goin back to indo tml i guess. For a week... no more movie khaki... just when all the nice shows r out... so upsetting...

It seem like my frens r all abandonin me at the same time... All of them are goin on hols tis comin week where I would feel the loneliest...
Can someone pls just stay. I need someone to talk to to get my mind of all the ugly things in my life.

I'm in love with the song ' Inside your heaven ' by Carrie Underwood. I want to be inside heaven too.

no one seem to be free for me today...

" I can't get out of bed today, or get you off my mind. I just can't seem to find a way to leave the love behind... I ain't trippin, I'm just missin you You know what I'm saying. You know what I mean.
Every now and then, when I'm all alone, I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone. Say you want me back, but you never do... I feel like such a fool! There's nothing I can do. I'm such a fool for you...
I can't take it! What am I waiting for? My heart's still breakin! I miss you even more... And I can't fake it! The way I could before...
I hate you but I love you... I cant stop thinkin of you! It's true, I'm stuck on you... "

Heard tis on the radio tis morn n tot it kinds of describe how I'm feeling towards u...
Yup! it can get kinda frustrating w matters of the heart...

Read tis attachment Jess send me... Its a passage of buddhist teachings on ' Attachment ' , as in relationship.
It defines the different love and affections. Wat truely r you feeling to wards the other person, wat kind of love r you expecting?
Well, I realise I may be possessive towards u! I didn't even realise I have tat tendency! Guess its the ' I don't wana lose or share ', ' i am so insecure and questioning ' feeling that is bugging me. But well, not much of a excuse huh...

Let it go n if the person comes back, you noe she's here to stay...
The teaching had an interestin illustration where they tok abt the 7 ways of relieving oneself and makin sure of an attachment. The illustration was to show that let go in order to see a bigger view of everything.
' The monkey didn't realise that all it had to do was to let go off the candy and it would be free. '
I guess I'm sort of like the monkey in ways...

I suddenly realise Fish sorted out her tots... she is the monkey that let go of the candy, n so is free to go. To look at the vast world out there. Me?

Maybe its time I focus on myself a little... focusing so much on u only puts extra pressure and strain to everything...
In love... there not much I can do to have things my way cos they r not. So guess I can only choose to get the rest of the things the way I want them to be.

Take it that I'm giving it a little hope again, a small little try... n if nothing changes... I'll let u noe...For now... get thru the heart-breaking period cos I'm stuck on u...

" Its early in the morning, and my heart is really moaning. Just thinkin bout you baby gots me twisted into things... And i dont know how to take it... But its driving me so crazy! I dont know if its right? Im tossin turning in my bed. Its 5 oclock in the morning, and i still cant sleep. Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me breathe ....i dont care... So helpless in my heart... I dont know what to do but to think of mi love Baby........... "

I love tis song alot alot.... and since now i cant slp and i am tinkin of tat baby... I juz had to put it down... It bothers me tat I'm so bothered by it... but guess it the heart thing and thats not much to do... I can suppress the feelings, but guess it hurts either way so I can only say ' Amour '

I juz came back clubbin w Jess at phuture... Its been a long time since only the 2 of us clubbed...
The rest of the gang were either tired from work or in HL case, go home to slp so to prepare to go on a hol w her beloved Simone to Thailand. Leaving us here...
Okie, guess I'm the only pathetic 1 around...

Anw, did my boss investment file juz now too cos he called in the afternoon to nag at me again... I told him I'm not done and he scolds...* yak yak yak* As usual... expects me to finish in an hr or 2 not considering I gota redo everything on it... Boss...
Well, I'm still not done w it cos my brain is gona explode from doin it!

Gona wake up in say 3 hrs time so I can prepare n chiong to Kino to get i-weekly! Simone said they are givin out INITIAL D's premier tixs! 1st 400! so muz go down early... The Mr Takumi * Jie Lun * has lots of fans here so 400 isn't every much...
So wish me luck okie!

Off to slp now...

" 'there are a few rules i know to be true about love and marriage:
if you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
if you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
if you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.'
Your values must be alike. And the biggest one of these values?
your belief in the importance of your marriage. "


Got tis from cin's blog.... actually wanted another passage but well, tis has meanin in its own way too.
Doesn't it imply to most of us? I guess most ppl noe tis. they noe wat is important but yet do nothing about it... sad as it sounds? Its the fact.
Face it... how many r willing to bear all the vulerabilties of oneself to the other? How many r willing to talk n communicate? To me... I didn't manage to get the one to.
Values? Do any of us really noe wat values each other have in their lives? Did anyone ever bother to tell the one tat 'my values r simply tis n tis'?
Wat exactly is the one in ur life tinkin? Do you really noe or is it all juz assumptions?

These daes have been pasting so quickly tat I'm losin so much precious time... but it doesn't look lik much of a choice 4 me...
Actually I tink I'll make myself even busier... I nid to... The mind wonder = too free... Busy = the mind is too busy to wonder....
Yup! n i spoke to wendy abt bivi... n she kinda hopes i go acc her... cos she's a little uncomfortable there... She says it lacks the family warmth that Lips have n so feels a little unfriendly. So hope I'll go n acc her thru it. Well, so most prob I'll be goin there...if no one objects... tat is...

The past 2 days were a little upsettin 4 me .... cos the moment I step into office, my boss started scolding me. First it was for all the work tat i piled up durin the time I didnt make it for work then it was abt the files that he cant find, then it was abt the files that he forgotten abt. Then it was some customer that I'm suppose to remember but I did not... Then it was missing details that I'm suppose to find n fill in for him... then it was forms that I'm suppose to get but due to comp system i cant... n still I gota get scolded for it... Then it was the investment file tat almost killed me... He want me to redo the whole thing cos he say thats differences in the pricing... n I dun even noe abt it n yet I gota get scolded for it juz cos his presentation to his customer was bad...
I felt so stress, n he was kinda harsh...that i actually cried a little in the toilet but well I juz had to get it done... He complains that I keep forgetting but actually he did not let me noe or he kept things himself n blame me for losing them... I juz hav to shut my mouth... its work I guess...but well it got me kinda upset but not many wana hear my complaints rite... so well can oni complain here... * pathetic*

Ytd nite went to the movies w Jess n her little bro* 1 n a half head taller than me, nt very little* b4 tat was at her place. I ate cheesecake tat she made! thou nt very successful but it was nice. I said the nxt time she does it i wan to join her too! so if i made 1, anyone wana take the risk to try it? hee! Yeah... n so we watched ' Premonition ' a jap HORROR!!!! I didn't even get to hav a say cos it 2 against 1...
It was so freaky.... It wasn't cos there were ghost or anything but the anticipation of the ' evil newspaper ' that tells you who is gona die nxt... The tot of knowing that the person is gona die n yet you cant do anything... Guess its the helplessness n torture that makes it so horrible. After e show, jess bro blamed her for suggestin the movie. Hahaa! cos he was scared stiff too! hahaa! n I tot I'm e oni scare-dy cat!
Anw, I watched it at Lido n guess wat!!!!! i saw so many INITIAL D posters n boards arnd I can faint!!!! so Superb!!!! I wanted to carry a board hm... bt Jess dun wana help me transport it hm :..o( so no choice... they clear the sitting area... do u tink the gala is held there? huh? Anyone noes? anyone can bring me? I wana see Jay.....pls pls pls.....

Fish!!! u back yet? y neber contact me.... contact me once u see tis...

Been hearing Shikira ' le tortura' on mtv n kinda cant get it out of my mind.... very spanish n well sexy lik the singer... listen to it...

The sudden song that comes in my mind: ' U r always on my mind... U r always on my mind...'

" Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be, there's a shadow hanging over me. Oh, yesterday came suddenly...
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say. I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a place to hide away. Oh, I believe in yesterday. "

I love tis song... n guess now that im feelin sorrowful... I really wish the past would come back...
Turn back time to went I was innocent n juz Happy everyday....

The Truth...
Im startin to feel the change in me. Im startin to not believe in things ppl say anymore... Im even doubting the close ppl arnd me... n Im hell lot more doubting u.
Guess the whole thing left a really bad scar for me or to say it triggered my painful tots back again...
All the bad vibes seem to be gettin to me... Im startin to feel my weakness comin out again....
Im starin to cry over things again... Im startin to cry juz tinkin of all that has happened...

Wat am I gona do?
To say the fact... I never really got angry at the whole matter. I started w bein so worried then I became sad, then it became disappointment. N now Im just numb from all feelings... Im just tryin to shut myself out. I dun wan anyone to turn against anyone or anymore bad things to come to anyone.
Everyone seem to be living in denial... n if living in denial makes pplppy then go ahead. I mean I've been in it too... to keep believing in everything u say. But trust me, when the time when the reality comes *smack* rite in ur face, the pain that follows is hell more insufferable.

Lies...Lies...Lies...n MORE Lies...
Didnt anyone ever mention how much trouble it causes? n how much pain it brings? Didn't no one ever mention that 1 lie leads to another n another n another? n soon all that u r doin is to lie to cover another lie. It doesn't stop there, u will just hav to carry all the lies w u n live a lie ur whole life! Dun anyone get it! Dun anyone take morals seriously?

Hurting ppl, usin ppl, selfish ppl...
Y r you or you or u hurting ppl? Is there not enough hurt in tis world? dun u all see the pain tat ppl arnd u hav to go thru? Y inflict more? Everyone just want to live a life n try to forget how painful life can get. So y inflict the hurt? Don't anyone feel the wound?
Wat r the ppl arnd meant to you n u? just tools? Dun act all friendly went You hav long plotted to use n then hurt them! Cause we r oni Humans. We do feel the pain.... We can't erase bad moments. Y make life difficult? R there no frens in tis world to you? Ain't any of us frens? Y plot us into all the sinister n then try to get out leaving us to die? Is tat wat is called a ' fren' ? I would lik to noe your defination of a 'fren'. Spare a tot pls... cos it all hurts...
Selfish ppl w motives... wats w all the smiles, the nice talks, the friendly touch, the jokes, the fun, the tots of u... All just selfish acts! Everything done w a motive!
Yes! I've been hurt, scared badly. I maybe use / used n the pain lives. I've met selfish individuals, n they make me cry...

To the one who lives in denial:
Stop denying anything! Stop sayin you r innocent! Stop your act! Just stop! Let the matter rest... Its a really bad experience, but pls just let it rest... No more hurt, no more lies, no more usin your frens... just stop. Tats all I ask for. You want to live a carefree n happy life, with no troubles arnd you. So do any of us.
Everyone makes mistakes... dun use lies to cover for the mistake made cos it oni leads to misery.
Learn that things done have been done. Pain inflicted has been there. wounds earned r just part of life. Learn to open up to the bigger world out there. Look at the bigger picture. Stop living in the small frame where all you see is yourself.
Forgive n Forget. Truth n courage would always bring along forgiveness.

Read cin's blog, n i feel lik cryin...
Open ur heart... give out n in return receive love. don't be afraid of pain or loneliness cos its part of life...
Cin, I like to do tat but unfortunately my wounds can't heal n Im scared... very scared to open my heart again cos the pain is too great.
Everyone said I changed n yes I did. But I duno how to go back. Cos there's no turnin point... I chose to walk down tis lane accompanied by pain n loneliness. Maybe up ahead the lane will spilt up to 2 n then I can make a decision again. But deep down I never tot it was the wrong way I went n I wish to continue walkin. Til one day my heart stop there.

Should I go work at Bivi? I duno... It feels funi to be workin at a place I used to want to shun most... N workin at places lik tis reminds me of wat I had b4. Reminds me of lips era... I dun wan the feelings to change... will the feelin be the same? An ivory tower for me?

Feelings are things everyone have. Don't go around hurting the people in ur life, cos if they love u they will stay n be hurt. Those who don't love u enough will leave but with a hope of coming back. But for the one who loves u u've hurt, the continuing of pain will eventually bring death. Thats went u noe they will never come back.

" 'A few questions that I need to know... How you could ever hurt me so? I need to know what I've done wrong, and how long it's been going on. Was it that i never paid enough attention? Or did I not give enough affection? Not only will your answers keep me sane, but I'll know never to make the same mistake again.'
'You can tell me to my face. Or even on the phone,you can write it in a letter. Either way I have to know. Did I never treat you right? Did I always start the fight? Either way I'm going out of my mind, all the answers to my questions I have to find.'
'My head's spinnin', I'm in a daze. I feel isolated, don't wanna communicate...' "

I ever put tis up on my old blog before. I duno if any of you remember. I always like tis paragraph of words cos it kinda has a very sad touch to the kind of helplessness.Maybe not everyone will feel it, but its there.
The first time i posted it was cos I was upset n those were the questions I had in my head. N yes, I wanted them to be answer. I could feel I was going insane. I was being deserted.
This time I'm crushed. Not only had I to be reminded of the sorrowful 1st time, I had to take it from ppl who plays a part in my life.

Losing all faith and trust... I've grown up... to understand that I was the naive kid. 1 who believe it was the greatest fortune to have all the loveliest ppl around. To understand everyone has different faces. To understand the more I trusted the person, the more dispairing I will get. To understand I may feel the person importance but I may not even exist to the person. To uderstand the faith I put in turns to faithlessness. To understand all smiles are just illusions 1 feels. To understand the little hope I hold turns to hopelessness. To understand I can forgive n forget in an instance but ppl may hold it always to their heart. To understand There are memories I want to remember forever but you may wish to never be reminded of them. To understand the disconsolation of always think you r my friend.To understand the closer I get, the more heart-sick I'll get. To understand all innocence can be lost. To understand words I love most to hear are just lies, lies, and more lies. To understand denial is never wrong. To understand betrayal is just how life should be. To understand care and concern is to pry into my life and to dig into the most painful of it. To understand the word privacy do not ever exist. To understand to want peace and silence in life is prohibited. To understand lovers and friends are just ppl used when 1 feels lonely.To understand to always wear a mask and never show a true side. To understand all laughter and joy will turn to tears and gloom.To understand I am alone in tis world.

Why did I give up the simple happiness I had? Why did I opened up? Why did I put my defences away? Why did I think I no longer need to protect myself? Why did I think what I felt was love and warmth?
Only to end up mirthless, malcontented, mournful, heartbroken, disenthralled, soured, unfulfilled, disillusioned, troubled, tearful, melancholy, desolated...
Just pure miserable.

Do you believe in retribution? I do. I truely do. Thats why I will never do anything holding the intention of causing hurt or pain. Cause like karma, it will all come back. Leaving 1 with more than just hurt and pain. It comes back bring along the guilt, the hate, the lies.
I did something to hurt someone. And I got it back. The pain, the lies, the tears... I never manage to get out of it.

Betrayal. It made me lose my innocence. It made me come out of a fairy tale.It made everything I do seem naive n a joke. I? The Joker.

Trust. There is no trust. No one trusted me. No one believed in my words. Everyone betrayed mine. Leaving me dissatisfied.

Love. Why is there even such a word? Love is just lies, betrayal, selfishness, hurt, pain. Love is to go all out to ruin a person at all cost, to make the person unhappy, helpless, and then to always live in misery. That is love.

I woke up today to see a sweet message from cindy tellin me how glad she had me in her life.
I gave Donkey a call, and was glad she answered the fone. She was flying off to hongkong. She did not grumble abt me not goin to her birthday, instead asked me what I wanted from hongkong so she could buy it back for me.
I miss them.

Jess and HL knew I was upset but did not bother to qn, knowin I would say if I want to. They just made things seem normal.
Im sorry for always spoiling their fun.

I realise I can never get things my way no matter if I beg or cry. I realise I'll never be always smiling. I realise I'm just always taken for granted by you.

All things drained me of my simple life of joy, hope, love, laughter, trust and left me...

Bitter.

" 在黄昏的街头 你握着我的手 过了今天以后 一切不再相同 为了什么理由 对话变得沉重 你气得转过头 我的眼泪又再流 距离分手就只剩一个路口 我们怎么还是 在争吵中度过 一直到最后 我们还是没看透 爱情是温柔的接受 而不是嘶喊和着要求 已经到最后 才突然想起最初的时候 是想拥有彼此更多 却走到什么都没有 连只是想靠在一起 也不能够 一直到最后 你都还是不能够 静静的放手看我走 而给另一次难受 已经到最后 你还是不懂 我要什么 有太多话想对你说 你为何要让我说不出口 连只是想 好好再见 也不能够 "

From Fan Fan new album. Its called ' 一直到最后 '. A sad song don't you tink? The kind of feeling of helplessness to a relationship. The despair of it.
I believe everyone will go thru tis phrase in a point in life... don't you agree?

When out today with Sarah, an ex-staff from Seed, who used to also work at the Tangs branch. Cute girl. Has tis real adorable smile.
We were suppose to meet up with the rest of the Tangs staffs but everyone seem to alr have programs. So its juz the 2 of us. It was fun thou. I suddenly realise i haben been shopping for a way long time... So many things change! I fall in love with so many things! But i still cant get any cos I'm still very very tight for tis month.No choice...
I did something I love but have not been doing for a Long LONG time. That is............................ Take Neo-print!!!!!! Hahaa!
It was so fun! There are so many new machines! so many MoRe fun functions that could be used! It was exciting! n the best part of it? Always look Flawless and pretty in it. Heez!

Then we went to Cine for Dinner. Guess wat! I saw a fren *don't know if thats the rite term* Who is it? Zoe. Such a coincidence. We said our ' Hi ' n ' Bye '. I can only say i felt sad for wat had become of our frenship. But maybe she is happier that way, and i had learnt to live with the lost frenship.

Sarah n I chatted, people watched, joked n laughed. It seem tat behind all the Smiles, everyone had something that hurt them deep down.
I liked a sentence she said. " He was my whole life, the most important thing. ". I admire her for daring to truely admit how much a person can mean to her. But too bad the barriers between the 2 of them seem to never end.

Well, I really saw so so many things that i wish i had the $$$ to buy... We were joking of getting sugar daddy or mummy to juz fulfill our desire to buy, buy Buy, BUY!!! So hapi! Saw Nani! another Tangs fren. Lookin aty her always cheers me up cos she always seem super jolly. Hee!

Everyone seem so totally busy with life...
Dun anyone have anytime for building bonds anymore?
Fish, r u playing the disappearance game again? Do you really have to go to the extend of that? Well, when you r done disappearing, do put up a poster to announce.
Phine, dun tink too hard okie... When monday comes, everything will be pretty again. Cos thou its monday blues, i believe a Rainbow will arise from a simple smile. N thx 4 the songs!
Jess, busy with work tis daes huh... Relax some time okie! Give tire urself out. Spare me more time! i only got lik 2 months of ur company and u'll be gone for a long period of 5 months! I surely gona so miss you...* tears wellled up in my eyes* Anw.... Can i get fotos from u. As well as those taken from Maine's bdae. Ppl are comin 2 me for them...(@_@")
HL, i haven had the time to go down to find you... but guess u r okie? at least i noe u r not being bullied there. Jia You to earn ur keeps for Thailand okie! then can buy me thing! hahaa!
Fang, everydae folding clothes super tire rite... Muz look at $$$ okie! Hang in there. I will try to find the time to go visit you. But Compass point abit the troublesome to go... neh~ mind! I will get there.

Wonder how is Donkey and Printer? Hear u all goin m'sia on Monday rite? Muz take care okie! Sorie cant join cos gota work... $$$ is important at tis point for me...

hmmm....look at the time! its so late alr... i beta go to bed now. I still gota wrk tml. And i can feel the pimples on my nose waitin to explode! better try to get the beauty sleep to stop them. Oh! Ms Bao, I duno if u will see tis but r u free to go clubbing tis coming thurs? A nite u wanted to go to. Msg me if u see tis, or i'll msg u soon enough to let u noe.

Tata for now!

" ' Okie, then wats the color of my eyes? ' *she turns her back to him* ' Your eyes are brown. If you look at them clearly it is amber, with honey lining the side. And when the sun shines in them, they sort of turn golden. And when you look at the sunset and the sea, it sort of seem green.' "


Isn't it the sweetest thing someone can say to you? I gt tis out of the movie " Monster-in-law " , thou its nt the exact thing bt it goes something lik tat. Its went the male lead is tryin to date the female lead n she sort of ask him to see if he notice her.
I tot it was overwhelming. I loved it. I told my frens and they sort of said it sorted liked something a player would say. Only Wendy agreed tat it was beautiful.
To me, it felt REALLY sweet cos its the tot that the person is so attracted to you tat the person even notices the smallest detail. Doesn't it also shows tat the person actually couldn't take eyes off you? I loved tat feeling. The feeling of falling in love.
Wendy n I both agreed that if anyone was to be able to say something like tat, we would definately fall head over heels over the person. Even if the person was juz a player, cos at least there's still a chance that he truely fell in love.
Wouldn't you fall for someone so dearly sweet?

Have been helpin out at the Candy stall the past few daes, which is at TM. I knew a new fren ytd at the candy stall. A new gal who is and will be helping out at the stall in June. she's call Stacey. secondary skool gal, cheery, smiley... She talks quite a bit too. A nice person on the whole.
Lots of things has been happening tis daes. I was juz tinkin of Donkey n Printer. Then i gt to see Donkey ytd! Guess she was on her way hm w her sweetie. Glad she's hapi. Wonder how's Printer doin at wrk? Hope she found a way to communicate w her staffs.

Did i say Faizal is back! Hee! He's back from the states! I juz met him ytd w the rest at Phuture. I tot his face look smaller bt apparantly he did not lose any weight. Hmmm.... maybe cos i didn't see him for so long. Well, he's back!
The NUS ppl gt their results back ytd. Jess result is really gd! n I'm hapi 4 her. But it oso means she's leaving for the states on exchange tis Aug. I'm so gona miss her... miss her company, her laughters, her talks n the time tat we juz laze at her place n take a dip in the pool.
The rest of them did okie.

HL says that the Gramaphone warehouse have alot of gd stuffs! I wana go check it out! I want to learn driving! Terribly broke thou... I need to go on diet! Fat! I wana go on holiday.... I need a hair cut! I need new clothes! OMG! I need loads of money!

Today while bringing my doggie downstairs, i realise he's really kinda blind. He keeps banging into things. I didn't know it was so bad til today... I haven been bringing him downstairs for a real long time cos I'm always waking up too late. I wish he would get better. Tink if i have the time i shall bring him for a walk in the park. He haven been to the park for a real long long time.

I have seen the Initial D bus twice!!! Its so pretty! i want to take the bus! Jay is so cute in the car, n so is Edison! Shawn Yue is kinda manly. He looks gd too! I want a ride on that bus! I dun care where it brings me to, i juz want to be in it. Anyone wana do that crazy thing with me? It an open invitation.

Doreen's b'dae is this fri! OMG! wat present to get? I so budgetted! Who's goin? Wat time? I'm so blur...

Fish, u okie? U seem so troubled tis daes... do u nida tok abt it? Dun keep it inside okie... Life has lots of ups and downs, dun push yourself too hard okie!

Sandra
1985

+ tiffany
+ HL
+ Wendy
+ Donkey
+ Cindy
+ Keong
+ MaoMao

+ auntieSusie
+ Forever@21
+ CrazyShoes
+ Maine's
+ HL's

+ Twit Twittering



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